Setting and Managing Expectations

One of my new supervisors had a direct report peer of mine, Frank, who was the boss’s close and trusted confidant. They had worked together for 13 years, and I was new. Early on, my boss would clearly seek and often take the advice from Frank on many aspects of my department: budget, personnel, and policies. Frank would give advice that he didn’t have the expertise to give, and he started to create conflict where there wasn’t any.

Some of my boss’s emails giving me direction were clearly ghostwritten by Frank. Emails actually written by my supervisor, often via his smart phone, were short, all caps, with no subject line. Frank’s ghostly emails were confusing clouds of words, sent by my supervisor minutes after the two of them had met. (I would check Frank’s calendar to confirm the timing.) One email from my manager actually said, “I am not sending you this note because someone has whispered this in my ear.” This dysfunctional work dynamic was both hilarious and sad. I always wondered if I would have an opportunity to ghostwrite email orders from the boss to Frank, but that never happened.

In a one-on-one meeting with my boss, I drew on a sheet of paper three heads with headsets all connected with coiled wires. Below the first head, I wrote, “offensive coordinator.” Below the middle head, I wrote, “head coach.” And below the third head, I wrote, “defensive coordinator.” Then I said, “You are the head coach. Frank is your long-time, trusted offensive coordinator, and I am the new defensive coordinator. Your job is to hold Frank accountable for the offense (his department) and to hold me accountable for the defense (my department). When I get Frank’s orders through your headset, you no longer need me. So, I expect that from now on you will hold Frank accountable for his domain and me accountable for my domain.” My supervisor understood and thanked me for the “open and honest feedback.” I set expectations for what I was comfortable with, and my boss embraced the feedback.

You are responsible for setting clear expectations with your supervisor from the outset, especially if you find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship. You must stand up for yourself in a professional and respectful way.