Dispatches from The Ideosphere

Unfortunately, there are times when a peer is a bully, a narcissist, or a manipulator with an overall disregard for others. Here is an example of how to deal with an unprofessional peer.

Frank was the most challenging peer that I ever worked with. Most of my peers have been genuine, supportive, and generous. Many became and still are good friends. I was supportive of their initiatives, and they reciprocated.

Frank, Martha, and I reported to the same supervisor. Frank and Martha had worked for the boss for more than 10 years, and I was the new guy. Frank said that the boss asked him to be a “watchdog.”.

Following the old adage “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” I met with Frank in his large, honey oak-paneled office every other week. It was odd that there were never any papers on his desk, only an open Bible. Luckily, he had an automatic espresso machine in his office, and we both appreciated the rich smell and taste of the freshly brewed shots.

Frank denigrated people. He spoke ill of Martha, me, and our direct reports. He would pretend to confide in me his negative perceptions of Martha and her team. And you knew he was doing the same with Martha—and the boss—about me and my team. This was a huge distraction from the real, difficult work at hand.

Frank aspired to be a “servant leader” but acknowledged that he had been a bad role model for Doug and Dawn, his direct reports, and that they had earned terrible reputations. Frank was the watchdog, while Doug and Dawn were his pit bulls.

Over the years, other organizations in the enterprise were targeted by the watchdog. Consequently, the open dissension Frank sowed became visible across the enterprise, which reflected badly on both the boss and Frank. After brutal feedback from some peer colleagues, the boss decided Frank needed an intervention. He asked Martha and me to give Frank some feedback and coaching.

I let Frank know that I asked my direct reports from the beginning to always take the high road when dealing with him, Doug, and Dawn. I said that we proactively embraced a nonviolent strategy to deal with them: “You can beat us with batons, send Doug and Dawn—your pit bulls—out to chew on us, and blast us with water cannons, but we will keep marching across the bridge and keep our eyes on the prize.” Thankfully, soon after this intervention, Frank left the enterprise.

You have to wonder how the Franks, Dougs, and Dawns of the world live with themselves. Don’t be like them. Villains always think they are doing the right thing, which justifies them hurting people. The classic book The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, which I discussed earlier, is an excellent primer for the dirty tricks that are used to disorient and destabilize others while consolidating power. You need to understand these unscrupulous techniques used against you by bad people so you are in a better position to protect yourself.

When serving as an executive leader of a large research university, I had ample opportunities to apologize and was the recipient of emails at times critical of the services my department provided. An email from a member of the faculty whose daughter was starting college in the fall said that she received a letter on my organization’s letterhead from the campus computer store offering discounts on laptops: “I went online to check the price differences and found they ranged in savings from $0 to $5 on a $1,000 laptop computer. In my mind, this advertisement is at least disingenuous if not fraudulent. I wanted to bring this to your attention.”

Of course, I was not aware that the campus computer store had sent these letters to all incoming freshmen on my organization’s letterhead. The store was managed by a third-party vendor under contract, and the content of the letter had been approved many years ago prior by my predecessor’s predecessor. My apology email to the mother thanked her for bringing this unfortunate incident to my attention, took responsibility for the miscue, explained the new steps that would keep it from happening again, and asked for forgiveness.

The key was to follow up on that promise of the incident not happening again. I took action to ensure that the store did not continue this practice. Franklin Covey says, “Sincere apologies make deposits; repeated apologies interpreted as insincere make withdrawals.”

Mistakes will happen. Be ready to accept responsibility, and practice the art of apology.

It is important to establish a protocol when things go wrong:

• Identify the root cause(s) of the problem.
• Alert the relevant parties.
• Apologize by expressing regret, accepting responsibility, describing what is being done to address the problem.
• Create a plan to avoid the problem in the future, genuinely repent, and request forgiveness.
• Thank everyone for their patience and goodwill.

Remember to keep your sense of humor in even the most trying ordeals. Be sure to acknowledge, celebrate, and reward examples of true grit in your organization. Things will go wrong. How we deal with these inevitable situations is key.

When you have the opportunity to lead an organization, build enduring professional relationships with your employees. Start by establishing the values of the organization, and create a safe work ecosystem. Let them know that you care about the well-being of them and the organization. Be emotionally and materially invested in helping all your staff to be successful.

You and your direct reports have to be emotionally and materially invested in helping staff build skills and succeed. Don’t be tempted to cut the training budget when funding is tight. You must continue to invest in your most important asset—your employees.

Here is an example of a weekly update blog post committing to help all staff build cutting-edge skills: “Annual performance evaluations are due this month. I hope you all have taken time to reflect on your accomplishments and set goals for the year ahead. Consider what professional training would be most valuable for sharpening your skills and set the mutual expectation with your supervisor that you will complete this training in the coming year. All the team leaders and senior managers in our organization are committed to helping you build cutting-edge skills. Moreover, we are all committed to your career growth and a healthy work–life balance.”

Throughout the year, in the weekly blog posts, we included links to relevant articles related to improving customer service, dealing with conflict, management trends, and fun topics. Often, these articles were discovered by team leaders and their team members. We would always recognize those employees who contributed to the collective organizational knowledge base. And in my office, there were multiple copies of books on hand that helped me over the years: Managing Expectations, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Crucial Conversations, and The Five Languages of Apology. I would freely hand these out as discussions with employees warranted.

At times, ad hoc training is in order. After a series of painful presentations by our rising senior managers to customer steering groups, we brought in Speakeasy Inc., a communication consulting company, to help the managers develop public speaking skills. Speakeasy Inc., believes effective speakers are made through the use of learnable techniques and systemic practice. We conducted several on-site courses called “Develop Your Speaking Style,” which included videotaping presentations and coaching. We also encouraged staff participation in Toastmasters International. Toastmasters International offers an affordable, fun, in-person or online club environment where you can learn to present well, mentor others, and advance your career.

In Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela Duckworth posits that it is not just talent but grit that matters most in achieving success. And also remember the characteristics common to good-to-great leaders: humility, professional will, ferocious resolve, and the tendency to give credit to others while assigning blame to themselves.

Grit will help us achieve our goals. When the going gets tough—and it will—the ability to endure is one of the best and most important ways to contribute to the greater good. Persevere and know that, at every level, what we’re doing will help us become one of the best service departments in the enterprise.

You can celebrate and reward examples of grit by employees in the organization as they happen and afterward. For example, Jim successfully led a multiyear, multimillion-dollar modernization project. His true grit was highlighted in a weekly update, and he received a monetary bonus. “Jim,” I wrote to him, “given the scope and magnitude of the mission-critical project, there were thousands of opportunities for problems and issues to arise. Your expert planning, day-to-day oversight, and proactive looking ahead resulted in an on-time and on-budget two-year implementation with no negative impacts to the enterprise. Thank you for all that you do.”

Maggie was a world-class project manager. She had loads of experience, and she was smart and tenacious. She never gave up. Whenever I had a project that was going up in flames, I would call on Maggie to extinguish the fire. After she successfully saved multiple flaming projects over the years, I gave her the nickname “Red Adair,” or “Red” for short. At first, she did not know that the Red Adair moniker was a compliment. After she looked him up, of course she was pleased. Red Adair was the greatest and most famous oil well firefighter: “The Adair teams completed more than 1,000 assignments internationally through the use of explosives, drilling mud, and concrete.” In celebration of Maggie saving yet another disastrous project, I rewarded her with a framed poster and a DVD of Hellfighters, the 1968 film starring John Wayne and Katharine Ross based loosely on the life of Red Adair. The poster was prominently displayed in her workspace.

Juan was yet another employee with a can-do spirit whom I entrusted to lead another risky multiyear, mission-critical project. When it was completed, he sent me this message: “I just wanted to say thanks for all your support over the years. You were the one person, through the entire transition project, that supported me and believed in me, and for that, I am truly grateful. I appreciate you giving me a chance, when not many people would.”